Happy Little Ditties
by Bitten by a cow
Summary: Yeah. Just a bunch of random little oneshots I made. That's about it. Yep. Exciting, eh? Yeah. The Its, possibly Darth Vader, Bowser, Chomp Chomp, Barney, Jack Sparrow and whatnot are here.
1. Barbossa Child Asassin

Hello. This is just a random little one-shot that popped into my head one day. But let me first ask you something: Do you ever wonder what Barbossa was like when he was a kid? Frightening images may pop into your brain, but here is my view on it. Yeah. I might make more of these happy little ditties. Yeah. Happy Little Ditty number one. I have no idea. Don't ask.

Barbossa Don't-Know-His-Last-Name:

Child Assassin

"Muahahaha!" cackled a little boy in a big, feathery hat. "I have succeeded in puwverizin' the entiwe town of wipe meat sacks! Ahahaha!" The kid shook with laughter. "I wiw take ovew da entiwe wowd!" He was only around three years old. His parents had shut him in a playpen, and he had gnawed his way out with his yellow teeth.

Little Barbossa sat, with coins jingling around him. He was in a playpen again, only this one was made of aluminum. But aluminum could not stop him. He pulled out a plastic sword, and sawed at one of the bars for hours. Where his parents were, we will never know. The aluminum bar flopped down, and the boy squeezed through the hole, and pulled his hat through. He loved his hat, even though it covered his entire body.

A dashing little baby he was, and by dashing I mean he was dashing around the house, picking up all of his parents' metal objects. He zipped back to the playpen after collecting about twenty "treasures", and added them to his collection. The mound of coins grew.

"Now, to get a saiw! And oaws! And a cwew! And, my favowite, a monkey!" he squealed, and ran around the house, picking up dolls, a big blanket, a large stick his father had for suspicious reasons, and a stuffed monkey. He brought them all back to the playpen, crawling at an incredible pace. There was no use walking when you could crawl!

"Aha! I have aw da tings!" He bounced around, fixing everything up, and putting things in place, until at last, he had a ship playpen. The big blanket was tied to a large bar in the middle of the playpen, which was previously used to keep a roof on the pen, but his parents had removed it, because they wanted to be able to see him.

He stuck the big stick beside the bars on one side, with quite a few of the small dolls standing next to it. There were three dolls on the opposite side, one with a big, feathery hat. It looked amazingly like the small child next to it; for his parents had been rich and they got him a look-alike doll. There was a stuffed monkey at the doll's side. The boy smile proudly at himself, but then he heard a thump-thump-thump out the door.

His parents were here! He looked nervously around, but then picked up his toy sword and said, "To waw!" A man and a woman walked in, and gasped at the look of the playpen.

"Bo! What did you do?" asked the man. The woman just gaped.

"I made a piwate ship!" exclaimed Barbossa proudly. His father sighed.

"Bo, you cut the new playpen we made you," he scolded.

"Only so I couwd get da stuffs I needed!" Barbossa wailed. His father put on an angry look. Barbossa shot back the same, and shouted, "To waw!"

_Erm, yeah. That was the happy little ditty I came up with. Exciting, eh? (snore)(shudder) Scary little baby Barbossa...So, I may make more, if I get the inspiration. I cannot say that reviews would help inspiration, but it would be appreciated! Thank you to anyone who bothers to review!_


	2. Jabba Vs Darth Vader

Hello. Another Happy Little Ditty. Hip hip hooray. Yeah. This time, picture it: Jabba gets mad at Darth Vader, and slaps him with a white glove (or has one of his minions do it). Even more frightening images. Yeah. So, here it goes with Happy Ditty Number two. Yep. Keep not asking.

Jabba Vs. Darth Vader

The Blob Vs. The Goth

A very fat Jabba slapped Darth Vader with a glove. Not a good idea. At all.

"I weel keel yoo!" gurgled Jabba, who was, in fact, a Hutt. He said it in his own language, but I will make it easier for you and just write English. He was in on corner of a big ring.

"Yeah, right, blob. I could kill you with my eyes closed." Darth Vader stood, on the opposite side of the ring.

"Breeng it on, Goth boy," Jabba challenged. Darth grimaced from behind his mask at being called "Goth boy".

"I'm no Goth, you fat lard," he said angrily, as he pulled out his LIGHTE SABER! (magical)

"I could squash you with my awesome fatness, Gothie." He girded his loins, and prepared to jump.

"Hold on boys! We have to wait for the rest of the people to come, so you can get your money!" shouted the ringmaster, and Darth growled.

"Argh! I want to fight NOW!" he screeched, but held himself back. The crowd came pouring in like a waterfall of aliens.

"Jabba! Jabba! Jabba! Burn this Goth like lava!" some yelled, while others cheered for Darth.

"Go, Darth! Go, Darth! You can beat this fat piece of barf!" they screamed. The ring master held his vote vocally, but secretly made a bet with the announcer. Darth waved to the crowd. "Go Darthie!" Darth looked around the crowd, to see an old woman in a black armor, with a big, black, foam finger. She waved the foamy finger around. "That's my baby!" Darth winced. Why did his mother decide to come today? Ugh. The Emperor was watching.

"Whoo ees dat wooman? Ees she yoor muma? Ooh, poor baby Gothie!" Jabba taunted. Darth turned red behind his mask.

"Shut up, worm-boy!" He glared at the ringmaster. "Come on! We've been waiting forever!" The ringmaster shivered as Darth shouted at him, and then nodded shakily.

"BEGIN!" he called, and struck the bell. Vader pressed the button on his LIGHTE SABER! (magical), and the light came out. Jabba girded up his loins, again, and prepared to jump, again. Vader just smirked, and held his LIGHTE SABER! (magical) right above his stomach, and waited. Jabba jumped, and flew about three inches, onto Vader's LIGHTE SABER! (magical) And that was the end of Jabba the Hutt.

"NO ONE DEFEATS DARTH VADER!" he screamed, and held the "rock on" sign above his head. "NO ONE! MUAHAHAHAHA!" The entire crowd cheered his name, until he blasted them with his (magical) fury.

_Don't you guys just love my Happy Little Ditties? Yeah. I made Darth Vader have an... unusual character, but I loved it. I'm honestly watching _Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back _right now. Yeah. So, he is meant not to be in character, so no flames, please! Hehe. Jabba and Darth making fun of each other. Yeah. That's all, I guess. If I think of any more "Happy Little Ditties", then I will make them and RULE THE WORLD! Muahaha! Yeah. I loved Darthie's "rock on". Yeah. That's all. Wait! Don't leave yet! Here's a special treat for you!_

"When 900 of years you reach, look as good, you will not." YODA! HE IS SO COOL! MIDGET! WOOT! And the End.


	3. Davey and Elizabeth

Okay, I'm here again. My sister and I were recently thinking when we saw Dead Man's Chest, wouldn't it be the scariest thing if Davey Jones and Elizabeth started making out? Yeah. Even scarier pictures. Happy Little Ditty number three. Possibly the scariest of the "trilogy!"

Davey and Elizabeth:

Worst Couple Ever

Davey and Elizabeth sat, side by side, on the rail of _The Flying Dutchman_. "Oh, my darling, Elizabeth," garbled Davey Jones, who was, by far, the anti-hottest dude on the planet. Elizabeth Swann toyed with his...tentacles.

"Dave, you're so romantic." She smiled sweetly at him. Their faces were about an inch apart.

"I love you, Elizabeth." He smiled at her. They remained silent, for a moment.

"I love you too." He became unusually happy at those words. He pressed his... lips on hers, and they shared a _burning passionate_ kiss. His tentacles tickled her smooth neck, while she tucked her arms around his neck. After a moment, Elizabeth cried out. "Agh! Dave! You're choking me with your tentacles!" she screeched, but he only smirked, not letting go.

"Too bad." And he cackled evilly. And that, Elizabeth haters, was the end of Elizabeth Swann. Will almost felt bad for her, but he didn't. And Jack really couldn't care less. Governer Swann, did not care because he had always wished that someone would kill his daughter, because he didn't really like her. At all.

_Scary. Still scary. Yeah. That's about it! Hip hip hooray...I have a fiction Happy Little Ditty, but I'll post it here I guess. Just because people actually like me here:) (people snicker) Never mind...Yeah. **Cicada **gave me the idea for this, so she gets half the credit. Oh! Oh! Here's a goodie just for you!_

Once upon a time there lived a girl named...Jose. Jose was very happy, even though she had no...face. She had an evil archnemisis, Bertha . One day, while Jose was working at the Dunkenland , the evil Bertha came though the window weilding a double-edged spear. Jose screamed, and might have died, but her reflexes saved her. She went to the doggie crap and pulled out a dairy cow's horns. With a mighty battle roar, she plunged the dairy cow's horns into Bertha's ear. And the day was saved, and Jose met up with her true milker, Frank.

_That was one of those games you play, you know, the, uh, libs! I think that's what they're called...anyway, that's just something my sister and I did when we were bored. And that's what happened. Nothing to do with anything at all. Yep. Oh! And here's another one!_

Once upon a time there lived a dude named Danny-Jahoosalah. Danny-Jahoosalah was very sad, because he had no girlfriends. He was eating his daily apple crusted pears, when a huge girl came through the door. She said "Hi," and he said, "Would you like to be my girlfriend?" and she said, "No." The next day, Danny-Jahoosalah was run over by a three-legged rattlesnake. His mother buried him, because he had no girlfriends to bury him. The End.

_Yeah. Exciting, aren't they? But hey! It's MY Happy Little Ditties, so I can put whatever crap I want to in it! Yeah! So there! Now be nice and review! Yeah! You better be sorry! (cough) Sorry, that was...a glitch...in the... computer...or something..._


	4. Its!

This is an argument between Mal and Mizel. And Tayten and Tristan get involved. These are characters from my original story that I am working on, and they are all It people. No gender whatsoever, but I refer to them as he's or she's merely because it would be very difficult to keep saying "it did this," or "it did that with a pile of crap," or "it is pretty much awesome". Yeah. Happy Little Ditty number four. And it isn't fanfiction at all. It's just retarded.

The group of Its were talking, all huddled in a little circle around a campfire. "Well, I wonder what we are and why we can't have babies," pondered Tayten. Tristan rolled his eyes, and shoved her playfully.

"What the heck are babies?" asked Mizel. Mal glared at him.

"Well, stupid, babies are what female people give away. They get babies from their, erm, butts, and by crapping the little maggots out," she explained.

"What! That's not how it works! Cranes come and drop off the babies!" argued Tristan.

"But where do the cranes get the babies?" Mal shot back.

"What the heck is a crane?" asked Tayten, but they ignored her. Mizel gasped.

"What?" Tristan glared at him expectantly.

"We're shemales!"

"No, we're not, stupid." Mal looked at him like he was an alien. "We're its."

"What? We're shemales! That's why we can't have babies!"

"No, we're not. We're its. If we were shemales, we would have _parts_!"

"Yeah? So? I have parts! I can flash!" Mizel stood up, and tore his clothes off. There was nothing there. Only skin. Plain skin. Mal laughed.

"See? You don't have any parts!"

"What's flashing?" Tayten asked, not getting a clue. Tristan just shook his head, and laid down. She shrugged, and laid down too.

"See? These are parts!"

"No they're not!"

"Yes they are!"

"We're its!"

"Shemales!"

"Its!"

"Shemales!"

"ITS!"

"SHEMALES!"

"ITS!" Tayten and Tristan could feel the ground shake as Mal jumped on Mizel, knocking him over, and they wrestled for about a minute, until they both got up again.

"SHEMALES!" Mizel screamed, but Mal contradicted him again.

"ITS!" The ground shook with her fury. She bounded onto him again, but, on accident, landed them both onto Tayten and Tristan, and they all got into a scurmish. In the end, Mizel was the worst off, with a huge black eye, a bruise where he cut himself on a rock the first time Mal jumped on him, and a big scratch where Mal had clawed at him with her fingernails. Mal wasn't too bad, with only a bloody nose. Tayten had managed to come out unscathed, while Tristan had a few cuts and bruises.

"How about we are Itmaelshes?" Tayten suggested, and Mal and Mizel agreed.

"Okay."

"Good idea." And they shook hands. And they all went to sleep.

_These are characters from an original story I am making, but I thought it would be fitting to put random crap into my "Happy Little Ditties" since it IS MY story! Yeah. Isn't it exciting. There's no special treat for you this time, you lousy non-reviewing people! Except **Nemesis88**. You're cool. _


	5. Little Sister

This, my friends, is actually a true story. It is told by myself, and it is a great tale. Sure, it's true, no kidding, but it's really funny. Happy Little Ditty number five.

Little Sister:

Burnt Cat Food

I woke up one morning at about ten, and I sat up. There was an odd aroma. More like stench. It smelled like...I can't even describe it...like...cat food? I got up, and went downstairs. My little sister was in front of the microwave, and my mom was yelling at her. I suddenly remembered that my mom said that my older sister and I were supposed to babysit my little sister, because my mom was going to the grocery store. Apparently, she was home.

"Why would you put cat food into the microwave?" my mom shrieked. I crinkled my nose. The smell was atrocious. The cat food wasn't particularly nice by itself, but when you burn it in the microwave, the smell is downright...horrendous. My little sister wasn't allowed to use the microwave after that. Our microwave was never the same again. So, make this a lesson. Don't ever put metal in the microwave, but more importantly, NEVER EVER put cat food in. We let our microwave air out in the garage for at least a month, but it still has that distasteful odor. The odor of...cat food.

_Yep. It's true. Very true. Yeah. Oh! Treat for you! This is another true story, but it happened a while later. And it isn't from my point of view._

Little Sister:

Only Two!

Two little girls walked quietly behind a nice, big house. They had their hands behind their backs. A woman came out of the house. "What are you two doing?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing...we just want to have our hands behind our backs..." the shorter girl replied, not looking at the woman.

"Turn around," ordered the lady. The girls were holding ice cream sandwiches. Which would normally be okay, but on this occasion the lady had specifically said that the girls could not have ice cream sandwiches. "I told you that you could not have ice cream sandwiches!" The lady and the shorter girl were inside, and the girl looked guiltily at the floor.

"But Chalondra said that we could have some, mom!" cried the little girl.

The lady turned to another girl, though older, and asked, "Is this true?" Chalondra shook her head. "You lied to me so many times!"

"Only two!" the little girl squeaked.

"**_ONLY TWO_**?" the lady screeched, and she broke all the windows. The look on the woman's face was the scariest thing any person could ever see. Her voice boomed with superiority, and anger. The little girl shrunk down in fear.

_Yeah. The name is different, Chalondra. Chalondra is me. Chalondra means smart. Ha! Like that could ever happen...and the part about the windows breaking is an exaggeration. Anyway, these two lurvly little stories are actually true! Yeah. Anyway, thank you, **Nemisis88**, **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**, and my bestest friend Lizzy for reviewing! Thanks, you guys! I feel loved! (heart appears over head)(heart breaks) Someone just (cough) flamed my other story! Nooo!_


	6. Dead to Will's Head

Hi! Warning: Will likers, lovers, whatev', this is a Will hater chapter. Okay? Just so you all know. Thank you, **Yorke Knight** and/or **Princess of Ithilien**, for giving me the right line and the inspiration for this chapter. Yep. That's it. Happy Ditty Number six.

PotC:

Dead to Will's Head

"...or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davey Jones' locker!" Will said arrogantly, holding a bullet to his head. There was a humming noise.

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me..." It came from Will's pistol.

"What!" He looked suspiciously at his gun. It's front was moving.

"Don't you wish you had a brain?" The gun opened its eyes. "Don't you wish that people liked you? Don't you wish you weren't a Gary-Lou? Too bad!" The gun shut its eyes again, and the trigger moved by itself. It went all the way back. "I don't like you." BOOM! No more Will Turner. "Your head asplode."

Jack took the gun for himself, Elizabeth was sad and mourned herself to death, and Barbossa didn't give a crap, because Will still had blood on his body, so they used it. It worked, and Jack shot Barbossa, and everyone was happy. (magical NES music)

_Wasn't that the greatest thing you ever read...so, this Jeff Gunderson dude was SO hot! He looked like...Orlando Bloom! Teehee! Or not. Then he got run over by the ice cream truck. He didn't look so hot after that. Yes, yes, I know this chapter is horribly short, but my inspiration level is low on energy right now after watching Men in Black 2. Ugh. That movie is terrible. The first one was good, but number 2 was...awful. Yeah. That's all. Yep._


	7. Bowser Vs Chomp Chomp Vs Boo

Hi, peoples of "Bitten's Crappy Stories"! Now, we come to the ninth chapter of this...story. Thing. Yeah. Happy Little Ditty number seven!

Bowser Vs. Chomp Chomp Vs. Boo

The Dragon Vs. The Bowling Ball Vs. The Marshmallow

"Dag, yo!" Bowser screeched as Chomp Chomp's bowling ball hit dead center in the middle pin, knocking the other nine down in a marvulous glory. Chompie just smirked.

"Oh, getting touchie, eh, Bowser?" (he?) grinned. Boo just shook his head.

"You both are retards," he said as he used his cool ghost powers to make the ball hit the side pin, and make the other nine fall down, like dominos. Except they looked different.

"Why don't you just shut up, you big marshmallow!" Bowser started up his fiery breath, and blew a spectacular round of fiery doom onto the pins, properly crisping them, and preparing them for to be knocked down. He threw the ball-a one with a picture of him on it-down the big ramp...thing and hit the pins. Since he had blown a fiery blast on them, they quivered and fell, one by one, much unlike dominos.

"MARSHMALLOW!" Boo started hopping up and down in mid-air. "YOU SHOULD TALK, YOU BIG...DRAGON!" Bowser snickered at Boo's terrible insult.

"Oh, no," he taunted, "does the marshmallow dislike someone bigger than him? And...smarter than him? And...cooler than him?" His insults were ignored. Chompie threw a perfect ball again, using his chain as a hand. Boo did likewise. Except, he used his ghostly powers and his hand. I don't think he got no chain.

"You ain't smarter than nobody, dweeb!" Chompie snarled.

"Oh, did the bowling ball just start talking?" Bowser laughed at him. Since it was his turn, he decided to show his manly powers. He lifted Chomp Chomp off the ground, and rolled him down the path toward the pins. It was more of a chuck than a roll. Chompie, being as big as he was, knocked all the pins over, but didn't fall down the gaping hole. He got stuck.

"Aw, craptastic! Why'd you have to be so stupid?" Chompie glared, upside-down, at Bowser. Bowser coughed loudly.

"Ahem, it appears that the bowling ball got hugitized..." Bowser wasn't exactly the best at vocabularies.

"That's not even a word, you stooge!" Boo yelled.

"Yeah, stupid! What do you have to say for yourself? No one loves you!" Chompie barked from his place in between the floor and the hole.

"SHUT UP!" Bowser blew his fiery rage at Chompie.

"I'm melting...I'm melting..." Chomp Chomp squeaked, and Bowser made the scariest cackle any sane child ever heard. (we don't wanna know what sort of things the insane childrens hear)

"You and your little dog too! Ahahaha!" Bowser laughed, and Boo just stared.

"You are a retard!" he said, shaking his head.

"Oh yeah?" Bowser stopped laughing. "Put up your dukes! Yeah! I can beat you!" Bowser held up his fists. Boo's eye twitched. He mashed Bowser with a thunderous, ghostly pound of glory. Chompie, or what was left of him, oozed as a gross melted metal down the drainpipe. Erm, pinpipe/bowling ball pipe. Somebody re-formed his metal into a big bowling ball.

"I'm king of the mountain!" Boo shouted, and flew away. And he took over Peach's castle, and Mario turned into a squid. And Luigi...fell into a drainpipe and...was never heard from again. Toad got eaten by a mushroom eater. And...everyone was happy. The End.

_I have HORRIBLE grammar in this one, in case you didn't notice. Yes, that was fully (cough) on purpose. Anyway, did you guys like it? It was supposed to be kind of like _Jabba Vs. Darth Vader_, but different. Like, unlike dominos. I suck at bowling. Anyway, that's about it for now, and if I think of anymore of these odd stories, I'll add them. Inspiration is appreciated! Thanks!_


	8. Barney

Hello, my fellow insane people! Yups. Happy Little Ditty number eight. Wow. That seems like a lot.

Barney:

Scariest Thing Ever

Some kids were playing around in a park one day, innocent and young. ;)

"Hey, Jerry! Let's play tag!" suggested one little girl.

"Okay," said Jerry.

"Sounds good to me," said another boy.

"That's a good idea, Mel!" nodded another girl. Jerry looked at the first girl.

"Mel, since you said it, you're it!" He grinned mischeviously.

"But, Jerry! Evan is never it!" she protested. The second boy who was most certainly not Jerry glared at her.

"Yes I am! I'm always it!" He remained where he was, because the second girl stopped him from giving the other girl a "knuckle sandwich". "Kari! She has it coming!" ;))

"That's not your desicion!" she yelled, as he tried to shake her off. But then, he stopped. He was staring at a very scary monster.

"_BARNEY_!" he screeched, and ran away. The other children followed suit. They were soon in a chase with the scariest, ugliest, and just plain creepiest dinosaur to ever walk the earth. "AHHHH! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" The big purple monster soon caught up with them.

"I love childrens!" he gurgled. "For DINNER! AHAHA!" And, unfortunately, those four children were never heard from again.

;) Since when are young kids innocent!

;)) He had it coming, if you had seen it...bum bum bum bum...

_Um, here's a quick credit to **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**, because she told me about how you can call punching "knuckle sanwiches". And so I used it. _

_Oh! Treat for you!_

This song you may have heard before, but we'll sing it again. Pull out your pocket sized piano, and play Nick Nack Pattywack. I think that's the name...anyway, here goes.

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family with a great big shotgun and Barney on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. Woot! Encore! I love you, you love me, we're a happy family! With a great big shotgun and Barney on the floor! No more purple dinosaur! Again! _I love you, you love me! We're a happy family! With a great big shotgun and Barney on the floor! No more purple dinosaur!_ I love this song! One more time! **_I love you! You love me! We're a happy family! With a great big shotgun and Barney on the floor! No more purple dinosaur! WOOOT!_**

_All who hate Barney shout! Or, since it's easier to read than to hear on ff, just say, "I hate Barney!" in your review! Come now, friends! We may not all agree on everything, but we all hate Barney! Let me know! Please say so in your review! Thank you! _


	9. A Cinderella Story

Hey, y'all! Thanks, everybody, for reading this far! And, for some of you, reviewing! Yay! Anyway, here is something that my friend gave me the inspiration for, just by saying a few random words...I wonder how that works...anyway, Happy Little Ditty number nine. And it's short. Very short.

A Cinderella Story

Somehow Not Happily Ever After

"Ladidadaaaa!" screeched one Sam-we-don't-care-to-know-her-last-name, very, very, very horridly. The magical Prince Austin Quarterback plugged his ears with a hot candle. It hurt, but her singing hurt much more. Then, out of nowhere, appeared a woman. At least, he thought it was a woman, but she was very ugly. She looked more like a monkey.

"Hiya, squirt!" she said happily, showing off her buck-teeth. She shook his hand heartily. A bit too heartily. "I'm Bertha!" ;) she grinned, and he smiled friendly. But her smile faded. "FLOWERS ARE CHASING ME!" she screamed, and ran away. Austin raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, Austin, we should get together," Sam flirted, batting her eyelashes. He glared at her.

"How about not? How about you just leave! Die! No one likes you! No one at all! Oh, no! I feel so bad for you that you have to mow the lawn and do the dishes. Man, I have to do waaay more than THAT." He looked at her in disgust. She sobbed, and passed out. And...she died somehow. He thought it for the better.

"I have something you might like, Austin." Bertha snapped her fingers, and a zucchini cake appeared on the table in front of them. It looked like a big pile of sugar with alfalfa sprouts sticking out. He gobbled it down, as though it were delicious, and patted his stomach when he was done.

"Quite good, quite good," he said, nodding. But then, he fell flat onto his sugar-stained plate.

"Aw, dang! I knew I should've not listened to Kiley..."

;) Great name, isn't it?

_Well, that's about it. So, heehee, did you like the name? And the mysterious reason that she made a disgusting food and said something about Kiley? Yes, I am congradulating myself, even though I have 77 reviews, or at least right now I do...it's 12:05 am on August 16th, but perhaps there will be more tomorrow! Yeah. Thanks to all who shouted I HATE BARNEY! in their reviews. LET'S SAY IT ONE MORE TIME! I HATE BARNEY!_


	10. Blasters!

Hello! Wow, I'm getting so many ideas and so much inspiration! Wow! I'm gonna have more than YHYHAPLFM(horribly long name it has)! I know, they're all really short, but they are getting fairly frequent! That's good...anyway, Happy Little Ditty number ten. And thanks to all my reviewers! I really appreciate it!

Blasters:

Not for Yoda

"AHHHH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" screamed one of the ;) white armored dudes. He screamed much like a girl. And he pranced away.

"AHAAHAHHAHAHA! Wonderful, these machines are! Better, they are, yes yes, than the Force!" Yes. It was him. The little green dude that talked backwards. Yes, it was him, gun in hand. It had not been a good idea to show blasters to Yoda. Now, the green midget was running around, shooting as many of the bad guys as possible. And, he wasn't using the force. Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewbacca were staring at him in horror, frozen to the spot. "Boosh! Boom! Cheeeeee! Chooooo! Choooo!" Yoda was now screeching very loudly, trying to make the noises that the blasters make, but he was failing terribly.

"I think that guy needs some mental therapy," said Han, and Chewbacca muttered something in Wookie.

"No, Chewy. He's on the good side, so we have nothing to worry about," Luke assured him. He laughed sheepishly, not sure himself. "At least, I think so..." he mumbled to himself.

"TAKE OVER THE WORLD, I WILL!"

"I'm not so sure," doubted Leia, as Yoda rushed toward them, cackling the second scariest laugh any sane child ever heard. (we still don't wanna know what the insane childrenses hear)

"YOUR FATHER, I AM! BUAAAHAHAHAHA!"

;) MIW! MEN IN WHITE! Like, Men In Black! Except it's Men In White! Yeah.

_Yeah. Very scary. I have no clue where this came from...hehe, Yoda and Barbossa could make one scary revolution...hey, cool! I have **37** chapters in total of all my stories! Woot! I didn't think I'd ever get that many! And there's always more to come! Sweet! Yeah. I'm done congratulating myself. So, my many, many, many, MANY! thanks to: **Nemisis88**, **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**, **Princess of Ithilien**, and Lizzy! I love you guys! Yay! Doooodoodoooo!_


	11. ITS! 2'D!

Yes. Hello. Well, I was bored of my lack of originality, so I decided to make another It ditty. Yeps. Happy Little Ditty number eleven. Once again, it is a discussion between Mal, Mizel, Tayten, and Tristan.

Its:

Crappy, or Crappie?

The four Its were now sitting in a big Oak tree, just enjoying the scenery and height. "It's brown, and it's stinky," said Mizel.

"What does it eat?" asked Tristan.

"Um...fruits and vegetables, I think," Mizel answered.

"I give up." Tristan sighed. Mal didn't want to give up, but she didn't know.

"Hm..." She thought intently ;) for a question. "How big is it?" she asked.

"As big as...a guy." Mizel laughed sheepishly. Mal thought a moment, then jumped up, and nearly fell out of the tree, but Tristan caught her.

"It's the poopsmith!" she squealed, and Mizel sighed.

"Yeah, it's the poopsmith," he admitted.

"Poopsmiths are crappy," Tristan said dryly.

"Hey! I've tried crappy! It's good!" Tayten suddenly burst out. Up until then, she had been staring at a cicada skin. Everyone stared at her.

"Tay, you didn't actually try crappy, did you?" Tristan asked, very concerned.

"Yeah! It was good!" she nodded, as if excited.

"Ew..." was the only thing that Mal could say, while Mizel didn't get disgusted easily.

"Did it taste good?" he asked, and she nodded happily again.

"Uhuh! It tasted really good! I got it at a restaurant. It was good."

"Gross restaurant..." Mal said, obviously very grossed out.

"No! It wasn't gross! It was yummy! And the restaurant was clean!" Tayten protested.

"It was clean?" Mizel laughed.

"Yeah! It's just down the street! Let's go!" Tayten urged, and dragged Tristan out of the tree and onto the ground. She landed on her feet, but Tristan had no such luck.

"Ow..." he said, trying to get up. Tayten tried to help him up, but that just ended with him face-down on the ground again. Mal jumped off the tree, and landed on all fours. Mizel jumped down too, fell down, but his horribly huge amount of adrenaline ripped him off the ground again and he kept going. They all started off down the street, with Tayten in the lead. They soon came to a nice, big restaurant.

"Perkins," Mizel read aloud from the huge sign that way jutting up from the ground on a long pole.

"That sounds like terdins. Which...is terds, and those are gross," Mal said, still disgusted. They went inside, and a dude with a mustache led them to a table with highchairs. Mal didn't like being treated like a little kid. "So what if we only go up to his elbows? He doesn't have to give us high stools!" she complained. Mizel rolled his eyes, tired of her whining.

"I like it."

"Good for you." Tristan sighed. Why did these two always get into fights?

"Your menus, my little friends," said the waiter, as he came up and handed them some menus. Mal did not take it lightly.

"YARGH! DANGIT, YOU!" she screamed, and leaped on the man. In moments she had his throat in a frightening grip. "I AM NOT LITTLE, YOU CRAPPY WAITER! YEAH! I SAID CRAPPY! YOU SUCK!" A big man came up. On his shirt said, "MANEGAR"

"Is there a problem here?" he asked.

"No! Not at all!" assured Tristan, pulling Mal off the poor waiter. "I'm sorry, sir. She gets a little...scary sometimes." He shoved her back onto her chair, and grinned at the Manager. "No trouble! Really," he laughed. He got back onto his own chair, and picked up the menu. "I want..." his voice trailed off. He spotted a dish. A Special Dish. "Crappie?" he read aloud, looking at the picture of a piece of meat. "What is it?" he asked.

"You really don't know?" the waiter almost laughed at him, but Mal's glare silenced him. "It's a fish, and it's pronounced CROP-ie, not crappy." He sighed at their stupidity.

"I want it!" shrieked Tayten. "I want crappie! It's yummy!" And so, they all ordered crappie. But Mal still held her opinion.

"It's crappy."

;) As if the Its ever had a thought in their brains. Wait...they have brains?

_Hey, look it! It's actually long! I have no idea where I came up with the "MANEGAR" part. It just seemed like a retarded It thing. Even though the "MANEGAR" wasn't an It. Anyway, please review! I love you guys! _


	12. Jack Sparrow

Um, I was just swimming the other day, and I walked off a block, and pictured Jack stepping off his boat into the water. It's not very well done, but the thought was amusing. Anyway, Happy Little Ditty number twelve.

Jack Sparrow:

Clumsily Pathetic

Captain Jack Sparrow hummed as AnaMaria's boat neared the dock. He closed his eyes, and stepped off.

There was nothing there.

SPLASH!

Now he was submerged in very cold, and very wet, water. He came up coughing and hacking, because he had been expecting the hard, wooden boards of the dock.

"Stupid kids..." Jack looked up to see a bunch of little snickering kids pushing the boat away with a very long stick. ;) He sighed, and started swimming to shore. As soon as he did, those poor little children wished that they were not so stupid. Very much so.

"MOMMY!"

;) I love those things!

_I wants some meats! Anyway, um, I know this isn't very good, I just thought about this as I stepped off a block, and I thought I'd make this. Okay. That's all._

Okay, no, it's not.

With a cameo appearance from Travis the Trout©! ;)

Jack Sparrow:

Singing is Not His Advantage

"So I'd like to know where you got the notion! Rock the boat! Don't rock the boat baby! Rock the boat! Don't tip the boat over!" Jack Sparrow sang, in the middle of _The Faithful Bride_, where no ladies sat. They had all departed, most likey to Cuba, because of his awful singing. Even the hobos and drunk guys had left Tortuga.

"There I was, just a swimming in a lake singing 'Doo a diddy diddy dum diddy doo,' when I found myself a worm that I decided I should take, singing 'Doo a diddy diddy dum diddy doo!' Look good! Look good! Look fine! Look fine! Look good! Look fine! Now my love is serving time! I found myself a mounted on this plaque, singing 'Doo a diddy diddy dum diddy doo!' Look good! Look good! Look fine! Look fine! Look good! Look fine! Now my love is serving time!" Jack and the scary trout on the wall were singing together. Even the manager of the inn ran off, hands shoved into their ears.

"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_Just so y'all know, I am not making fun of Jack. I was just thinking how terribly funny and downright strange it would be if Jack did either one of these things. You know, like the scary little trout that hangs on a plaque, and it sings these really messed up songs? Well, my parents have one of those, and I just pictured Jack doing this. I know, I explain things WAAAY too much. _

;) Travis the Trout may not be his real name.


	13. The Its 3 Part One

YES! More Its! I know, I just did some, but I got some inspiration to write more. Yay! I'm into the teens! Anyway, Happy Little Ditty number thirteen.

Its 3:

The Carnival

Part One

"So...this is a cranival, right?" Tayten asked. Tristan shook his head, and sighed. Mal gave Tayten no such courtesy.

"No, BLOODY! IT'S CARNIVAL! NOT CRANIVAL OR CLARNIVAR OR CRILIVAN! IT'S CARNIVAL!" she screamed, nearly deafening half of the people at the said amusement place. Tayten just kept bouncing down the small dirt road happily.

"Okay." There were a few minutes of silence, before Mizel saw something of interest.

"Hey, look, guys! It's Barthalemew the mutant giraffe and a half!" He pointed at a big, ugly beast.

"Yeah! And his two pet storks!" Tayten chimed in.

"Hello," the big being snorted. "This here ride is the Twirl of Doom," he said, cowering. He was a very terrible actor. "It's a buck to ride." Tristan grabbed four dollars out of his backpack, and tossed them to Barthalemew. "Thanks. Put your stuff on the table." He waved over to a big table, empty, no items whatsoever, until the foursome placed their items on it. Tayten started bouncing, as did Mizel, and even Mal began getting excited. They went into the big machine, and Barthalemew flipped a switch, after he had made sure that they were nice and tight in their rolling chairs.

"WEEE!" Everyone stared at Tayten, because the ride had barely started. Mal rolled her eyes, but then bit her lip as the ride whirled the four around and sucked them to the sides.

"REVERSE GRAVITY! REVERSE GRAVITY!" screeched Tristan, over the sound of the working engine. Mal laughed, and Mizel started snickering.

"FUN!" Mizel shouted.

"WOOHOO!" Mal was getting into it, too. She, Mizel, and Tayten thought it was funny that Tristan kept screaming. When the ride finally slowed down, Tristan jumped of out his seat, flew out the door, and practically hugged the solid ground. That is, until he found a hedgehog.

"FURRY ROCK!" he screamed, and ran away, where Barthalemew was trying to sell a red box to Mizel.

"...Really, it's helpful," he was saying, "and it's only five bucks!" Mizel thought it over, five dollar bill in hand.

"Okay." He traded the money for the box. Then, the four started walking again as he read what it said out loud. "Tylenol. What is Tylenol?" Mal and Tristan snickered.

"It's...candy!" Mal nodded, trying to look serious.

"Hm...take only three pills at a time...yummy sounding!" Mizel ripped open the box, pulled the cap off of the little bottle inside, and dumped the contents into his wide open mouth. "Ugh..." Mal and Tristan started snickering again. Mizel glared at them both, claws ready.

_Oh, NOOOO! I would have put this in one, but it was really long, and I wanted a two-part Ditty. So, is the next part another Ditty, or is it still the thirteenth? I DON'T KNOW! AHHHH!_


	14. The Its 3 Part Two

Yeah. TWO PART DITTY! YAY! So...Happy Little Ditty number thirteen part two.

Its 3:

Carnival

Part Two

Mizel glared at them, claws ready. Well, his fingernails were long enough that they looked like claws, but they were trimmed to a sharpened point. He growled, but kept walking.

"Look! Cotton candy!" Tristan pointed at a pink stand. There was a girl there, and she had on a buttload of make-up. The Its ran up to her, and Tristan ordered a cotton candy, Tayten got an ice cream cone, and Mal bought a bag of Jelly Bellies©. Mizel didn't get anything, because he had used all his money on the Tylenol. So, the foursome kept going.

"Hehehe..." snickered Mizel, as he rubbed his hands together, thinking of a devious scheme. He snuck behind Tristan, being as sneaky as a cow. He plucked Tristan's cotton candy out of his hands, and ran to the other side of Tayten.

"Mizel! Give me back my cotton candy!" Tristan reprimanded.

"I don't have it!' Mizel argued.

"Other than the fact that I saw you mysteriously hiding my cotton candy which you do not have behind your back, how would I know that you have it?" Mizel took a minute to figure out what Tristan had just said.

"Um..."

"GIVE ME BACK MY BLOODY COTTON!" The other three Its were horribly shocked at Tristan's scream. Mizel was so stunned that he handed over the gross piece of puffy sugar. "Thank you," Tristan said calmly. The four kept walking, as though nothing had happened. There was a shrill scream from up ahead. They all looked up, and they saw that the ferris wheel was stuck, and the person at the top was throwing a fit. The Its could tell because the top basket was rocking crazily.

"Must suck for him..." Mal said quietly.

"Hey, Tay, can't you use your flying power?" suggested Tristan.

"Um, yeah, I guess...but I can only fly for twenty seconds, remember?" Tayten reminded him.

"I know, but you can fly to the middle, and fly the rest of the way. Okey-dokey, I'll give you a boost." Tristan lifted Tayten up, and chucked her as far and as high as he could. She flew like a graceful swoop of a howler monkey. She flew to the middle joint of the huge carnival ride, and called up to the man at the top.

"Hi, up there! How are you doing today?" Tristan sighed, and put his face in his hands. Mal folded her hands and looked up at the sky.

"Why, why?" she pleaded, while Mizel just rolled on the ground with laughter. There was a screech from the top basket. Tayten nodded, whether to herself, or to the other person, we shall never know.

"My uncle lives in Idaho too!"

_Disclaimer: I know, I haven't ever put one up yet, but I don't own Jelly Bellies, cotton candy, or the carnival. I do, however, own Barthalemew the mutant giraffe and a half and his two pet storks, and the four retarded Its. I also do not own any of these poor people and movies that have been humiliated over and over and a hundred times again. Although, I do own the randomness of my stories. YOU WILL NE'ER TAKE MY STORIES OF AWEXOME CRAPPINESS!_


	15. Jack and Elizabeth

Yeah. I decided to make another Happy Ditty, since I haven't in a few days. This was inspired by something that **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage **said. And it's short! Well, here goes! Happy Little Ditty number fourteen.

Jack and Elizabeth:

Um, How About We Turn The / Into Literal Slashing With Swords?

"Love, we should make-out." Jack grinned stupidly at Elizabeth, the wench. She sat, with her handcuffs in hand. (yes, they are handcuffs)

"Of course, Jack, darling! I must see if you are a good man!" Jack's lips were merely inches away from Elizabeth's, when...

ANAMARIA POPPED UP OUT OF NOWHERE! WITH HER SLAPPING HAND READY!

She gave Jack a good, hard whap, and gave Elizabeth the same.

"You're only supposed to slap men!" Jack exclaimed, as Elizabeth ran off, crying, and she stumbled over the rail, and into the crashing sea, where, unfortunately-or fortunately, for some people-, Kraken was waiting.

"I know."

_Very mean, I am, but I was amused at the mean joke that Anamaria might have made. Anyway, here's a special treat! For a movie that isn't this one! Or a movie that I've used before! Yay!_

With Cameo appearances from the Its!

Iceman:

Kraken Faced

"It won't hurt me," Iceman was saying, as Rogue backed away from him. He kissed her gently on the lips, and nothing happened. She smiled, and, finally convinced, started making out with him. All of a sudden, she couldn't feel his lips no more!

"Holy crap! He don't got no face!" Mizel shrieked, as he watched from an invisible beam in the ceiling.

"He looks like he got Kraken'd!" Mal shouted, obviously disgusted.

"Ew..." both Tayten and Mizel mused. Tristan had been...delayed. He wasn't considered a mutant, because he could barely heal his own rugburns.

"What are you three doing here?" Rogue screamed, and the three loonatics started snickering.

"We're mutants," Mal laughed. Rogue was still suspicious as she looked down at her faceless boyfriend.

"We're mutant Its!" Tayten chimed in, still her usual cheery and brainless self.

"Shemales..." Mal gave Mizel an angry poke. Actually, it was more of a shove. He shoved her back, but Rogue decided to stop this fight. Or, try to. She touched Mizel and Mal, and they immidiately stopped fighting. "Hm... something feels weird." Mizel started hyperventilating, and grinning suspiciously. "I HAVE MORE ENERGY!"

Rogue's face started draining. "NOOO!" she screamed. "The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming!" The Its started dragging her out. "The British are coming...the British are coming..." The Its gave each other evil glances, and started giggling again.

"One, two, three!" The trio heaved Rogue's body.

"Down the shoot she goes!" Mizel grinned like a maniac-which he was-as Rogue dropped down the laundry shoot. The three all gave each other high fives. And they all had a great, cucumber-filled day.

_So, what did you think? It was the Its! And they visited the X-Men! Yeah. So...please review! Thanks! Bye! Buy! Me a gift certificate! Okay! Bye!_


	16. CELEBRATION!

As of today, I have...101 reviews! YEAH! This is the celebration! Let the party begin!

CELEBRATION!

A kazoo blasted in Tristan's ear. Tayten blew as hard as she could on her party blower (those thingys that you blow, and they make a noise, and they uncurl). A match was brought forth on a funky neon green pillow, afire. It wasn't a good idea, but the Its don't quite get the idea of the word "celebrate". An annoying song began.

"Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!" was the first song, but Mal, Mizel, and Tayten were not finished. "Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday to you!" Mizel danced around, while Mal and Tayten belted out another tune. "How old are you, how heavy are you, how many grapes do you eat daily, how old are you?"

"Tristan, how old are you?" Tayten asked. Tristan put his head on the burnt pillow.

"Don't worry, Wei," said Mizel, using Tristan's nickname, "We haven't given you the presents yet!" Mal handed him a tiny, nicely wrapped box. It was a fair blue, and it had no bows, no ribbon, nothing fancy. He opened it, and was surprised. It was two books. _How to Beat Someone With a Stick While Looking Innocent_, and _How to Make Duct Tape Appear Whenever You Need It_. He snickered, something he rarely did. Mal smiled, glad that he enjoyed her present.

"Tristan, can I give you mine next?" Tayten asked, as she held up a fluffy pink package. He took it, and carefully pulled back the paper. It was... "A stuffed camel! I thought you'd like it!" Tristan smiled, and nodded. Though he wasn't especially fond of stuffed animals, he was thankful for the thought.

"Aw, thanks, Tay! It's...cute...I guess..."

"Okay, Wei, my gift!" Mizel said excitedly, and handed him a very poorly wrapped-in a very blindingly bright green paper-box.

"Okay..." Tristan cautiously, knowing that Mizel would put tricks everywhere he could put one. Tristan tore off the paper, and as soon as he did, he got a burnt and blackened face. "Chi..." The two guys often called each other by their nicknames, especially when they got ticked.

"Aren't cherry bombs awesome?" Tristan rolled his eyes. Mizel soon got a very black and blue face.

CELEBRATION!

Everyone cheered, as the Gungans had just won the war, and everyone was happy. King Gungan held up the Peace Ball, and belted out with a cheer, as well. Then, all of a sudden-

**CRACK! **

The peace ball lay in pieces all over the ground. "Aw, crap! I forgot to wash my hands!"

While, at the same time...

"Ani, your hair looks awful! Why would you make yourself a rattail? It looks terrible! Hm...here's my pocket knife..."

"Oh, Jar Jar! This ring is beautiful!"

"Oh, my GOSH! Qui-Gon!"

"Luke! What the heck are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here for another thirty years!"

"No! I want 5589-B! Not 5589-E! Darth Vader's suit wasn't what we needed! We needed a new peace ball! Agh! Stupid salesmen..."

CELEBRATION!

"We win!" Kaden shouted, as the Super Smash Bros. sign flashed, and said "BLUE TEAM WINS". Kiley started dancing, and Kaden even smirked at a hunched up Bitten by a cow.

"Man, stupid games..." She pulled out a bat. "DANGIT!" She bashed the bat down on the TV, and it ended in a horrible crash. There, on the floor, lay a very broken TV. "I am avenged." Bitten put her bat back in its sheath.

"I can fix it!" Kiley suggested, but Kaden put her head in her hands. About an hour later, there was still a very broken TV. It would turn on, but there were lines, and there was a strip of duct tape holding it together. And, there was even-

"You put Silly Putty in there?" Kaden asked, afraid for her friend's sanity.

"Uhuh! And playdoh, too!"

CELEBRATION!

Jack and Aravis kissed, while sitting on the bench on the crow's nest. Then, all of a sudden...

**POOF!**

Angela and Lila appeared. "What are you doing, you little stooge!" Angela yelled, and Jack raised his eyebrow.

"What's the matter, Angie? In love with my lover?" Aravis taunted. Angela growled and pulled out her sword. Aravis did the same. "Oh, the big girl's angry!" Angela's face turned a very angry red.

"ARGH!" Crevan popped her head in at the side of the screen, and handed Angela a steel bat. "BEAT! BEAT! BEAT!" She smacked Aravis on the head with it, and soon, there was a very big, swollen bump on the top of her head. Jack and Lila stayed away from the strange chick-fight. They turned to look at a very occupied Crevan, who was shaping a hedge of boxes into the shape of camels. Keanu was standing by, acting as a base for her creative box portraits.

"Hey, you guys! This is supposed to be a celebration!" Rabid Rabbit's Rampage was trying to convince the girls that war was not the answer. All of a sudden-

"NAZGUL! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Everyone-except Crevan, of course-turned to see Keanu the camel screaming. He quickly cleared his throat as though he hadn't said anything, and sat down. Crevan went about carving her camely sculptures.

**CELEBRATION! **

"DISCO!" Kaden shouted, and the cool colorful ball descended from the ceiling, illuminating everyone with bright balls of color.

"Get the party goin' on!" Bitten screamed above the sound of shouting, talking, music, and screaming of small children. Someone had turned on the broken TV, and commercials flashed on the screen. That someone just happened to be Mizel, and he sat, watching the finale of Freak Factor. A commercial decided to cut right in the middle of the intensity.

"Try this at home, children! And without parental supervision!" The lady on the screen held up a large knife. On another TV that was not broken, Bitten had challenged Kaden and Kiley to a rematch. And, they were winning again.

"Man, miss amateur, you suck." Kaden smirked as they screen flashed with the words "BLUE TEAM WINS AGAIN".

"Use the force-talking to one's self," Kiley said, giving her friend a low-five.

"I'll amateur you one!" Bitten grumbled.

"Freak Factor is sponsored by SPEARS, 'The Place To Buy Stuff', and The Pound, 'Take responsibility for your animals or we'll kill them for you!'"

"Let's play another game," Bitten decided.

"KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!" Kiley suddenly decided to scream, and she made just about everyone deaf. Kaden stared at her friend, and hoped beyond hope that she hadn't really said that.

"So, let's go...to the pot room!" She pressed a button, and their characters were fighting at "the pot room". Everyone started clapping and stomping their feet.

"We will we will smash you!" _Clap clap stomp._

"Running away will not get you to be green on the face! You big misplaced! Running your nose all over the place!" Mal sang, and the Its clapped and stomped their feet to the beat. Everyone joined in.

"We will we will smash you!" _Clap clap stomp. Clap Clap Stomp. _

"And the cow jumped over the moon!" For a moment, all the music stopped as everyone stared at Rabid-who, for some reason, had Commodore Norrington's sword-who had been spinning around in little circles a second ago. But, Mal kept going.

"Putting your face into the hay don't give you a break! You fat whiny rake! Smelling the place up with a stink singing..." Mal gestured for the crowd to join her in song. Or screeching, whichever you prefer to call it.

"WE WILL WE WILL SMASH YOU!" A scary little man with a moustache and diaper ran across the room. _Clap clap stomp. Clap clap stomp. _

"Facing the wind with a big blue bruise won't get you anywhere, enter the lair, of dragon's doom!" Tristan had decided to sing along with Mal, and she gave him a microphone.

"Come on, guys! You gotta help us out here!" Mal commanded, and Kiley stood up and belted out with all her voice, along with the rest of the crowd:

"**WE WILL WE WILL SMASH YOU! WE WILL WE WILL SMASH YOU! _WE WILL WE WILL SMASH YOU!_**"

The cool little disco ball held a bat in its robotic grasp. "YEAH!" Mal clapped, and everyone cheered. Keanu the camel nodded his head, with his bat held between his strong teeth. Barthalemew the mutant giraffe and a half and his two pet storks all held their bats, and the storks put up a thumbs-up. Yoda held his cane like a bat, and put his newly acquired blasters away. Will's pistol grinned, and held up a toothpick. All the annoying little childrens from all the different movies held up their bats. So, basically, everyone had a bat. Except Rabid. 'Cause she had Mr. Norry's sword. And, people were giving people high-fives. Tayten decided to give a speech.

"'Those who eat childrens forget about their birds.'"

_So, what did you guys think? I got all those lines from a bunch of different people, including: My bestest buddy Lizzy, my older and younger sisters, **Rabid Rabbit's Rampage**, and **Cicada**. Thank you all, my lovely reviewers! I love each and every one of you! Yay! Angela and Lila are from **Rabid**'s story, _Jack of Hearts_. Oh, yeah. Chi means Younger Energy and Wei means Valuable, Brilliant. Okay, you guys, keep reviewing! Just because you gave me a hundred **DOES NOT GET YOU OFF THE HOOK! NOW, BACK TO WORK!**_

_Do you know how bloody long the computer took to make this show up? BE GRATEFUL! Okay. Bye._


	17. Its 4

So guys, I was going to show you my new fishies, but Mizel and Mal decided to make grilled fish...only kidding! They decided to steal my brand new fishies. Yeah. The nasty little Its. Though, the majority of this chapter is just random crap. Not really anything in particular...no plot...that's why I like it. Anyway, Happy Little Ditty number fifteen.

The Its:

Fishe Gourmet

"How do you like your fish, Tayten? Scrambled or over easy? Or sunny side-up?" Mizel had a chef's hat, and a spatula, but that is no match for a wriggling fish. "AH! THE FISH! IT'S ESCAPING! CATCH IT!" He leaped onto the squirming fish, which he forgot was on the turned stove. "AH! IT BURNS! OAAHHH! BURNING!" Mal just ignored him and read the Skinny. Tristan was on the couch, with his eye twitching. Tayten sat next to him, reading _The Little Red Hen_.

"'Not I,' said the dog.' Not I,' said the cat. 'Not I,' said the mouse. Tristan? Are you okay?" His eye kept twitching. "Okay. So the Little Red Hen milled the wheat all by herself." Tayten kept talking, and Tristan thought about looking up the nearest psychiatrist.

"Fine, I will resort to cooking outside." Mizel took his hat and spatula outside. "AGH! I give up. The stupid fish..." He growled as the fish bounced away, into the pond. Unfortunately, a bigger fish found it.

"'Who will help me bake this bread?'" Tayten did not cease reading. Finally, Mizel took a stick and popped a marshmallow onto it. He held it above the fire for about five seconds.

"It's taking a long time..." He waited another ten seconds. "It's taking a really long time..." Another fifteen seconds. "Arg, this takes so friggin' long! Hurry up, you piece of crap!" He stuck it right in the fire. "Aw, dangit! It's burning! Tristan, my marshmallow isn't working!"

"Tristan, listen to this: Read the warning label. Candles recalled because of flame risk. Wow, the Skinny is so retarded..." Mal looked at her paper, and laughed.

All of a sudden, Tayten burst out, "'NO! NONE OF YOU IDIOTS HELPED MAKE THE BREAD! So, I'M GOING TO EAT IT! ALL BY MYSELF!" It was so unlike Tayten to scream like that, and everyone was very shocked. Tristan sat up.

"What did you just say?" His eye stopped twitching. Tayten cleared her throat.

"So the Little Red Hen ate the bread all by herself, down to the last crumb." Tristan flopped back down on the bed, Tayten was not finished torturing his already psycho-ed and burnt brain.

"Come on, Tristan! Let's go and read outside!" She dragged him by his arms out the door, with a very hard _Thunk thunk THUNK!_ She sat down on a log by the green fire, with Tristan laying flat on his back in the grass next to her. "Nice fire, Mizel. Very green."

"Yeah, I put in some aluminum foil to add to the greenness. It works pretty good, I guess."

"Well, nice of everyone to count me in! I sure hope the paper doesn't catch on fire..." Mal walked up to them and sat down. She stared at the fire. "I dare you to jump it."

"What?" Mizel asked, still trying to make a good s'more. About three bags of marshmallows were currently burning in the fire. Mal nodded at the fire.

"I dare you to jump it." She looked at him expectantly. He glared at her, not sure. "What's the matter, Chi? Too scared?" That ticked him off.

"NO! I AM NOT BLOODY SCARED!" He chucked the marshmallow over the roof, and didn't notice that it was a perfect, crisp brown. He leaped over the fire, and landed on his hands and feet. "There. Now, your turn." He gave her the same expectant look. "What's the matter? Too scared?" he taunted, and she turned red.

"No, you imbisul!" ;) She grabbed his throat. "How DARE you call me, yes, ME, of all people, SCARED! I'll show YOU who's scared!" She gave him a few good, hard shakes, then, jumped triumphantly over the fire, flipped in mid-air, and landed perfectly on her feet. She crossed her arms, and gave a good "humph".

"Pshaw! That was pathetic! The fire was low! When I jumped, the fire had just gotten a big blaze! When you jumped, they were barely coals!" he mocked. She turned an angry, fiery red.

"Oh, you want a fight, bucko? You want a piece of me? Bring it on! Put up your dukes! Let's take it outside!" She gave him a shove.

"We are outside." Those were perhaps the last sane words of Tristan. Or Wei. Whatever you like to call him.

"Let's go torment the other fishies!" Mizel suddenly decided. He rushed over to the fish bucket. "What'd she name the creatures?"

"Um...Louie, Jeb, and Winslow. But...YOU MURDERED LOUIE!" Mal shook a finger at him. "Tsk, tsk, tsk! Time for a beating!" She grabbed the fishing pole, complete with lure, hook, line, worm, and reel. "BUAHAHA!" She chased after him.

"Why...animals?" Tristan stared into the great blue void of the sky.

"Why'd she give us her animals? I think she went on vacation...yeah. Oh! I think we were supposed to feed her gerbils. Al, and...Spice! That's right! Al and Spice! The girl is Al, but she has a longer name, but everyone forgot what it was, so she just calls her Al! And Spice is the boy, and he bites sometimes. Oh! And then, there's Keanu the camel, and Behrooz the camel! Um...I think that's all...yep, that's all." Tristan couldn't hear her.

"Oh, my darling, oh, my darling, oh, my darling Clementine...she was with me...but now she's not..." Tristan mumbled, barely discernable amongst Mizel's screams.

"Look! We caught more fish! Mizel seemed to attract them...I wonder why..." Mal climbed up the slope to them, and showed off the five new fish. Mizel limped behind her, with a black eye, and a very swollen head.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" shrieked Tristan, who leaped up for a second, with his hands clenched, but then he flopped back down. There was silence for a moment; perhaps the three Its were trying to figure out what had happened. Mizel grabbed a stick, and held it above the fire. After a few seconds, it lit up, and he started waving it around.

"Lookit! It's my cool flaming stick!" He started dancing around, and waved the stick about wildly. It fell on the ground, next to the pile of pinecones, sticks, and other crap. Tayten jumped up, and leaped into the nearest tree, while Mizel started flipping out. "CRAP! NO! NO! BAD FIRE!" Mal just shook her head.

"Stooge."

"I hate fish." Mizel grabbed another worm from the bucket, and griped about how much he hated fish. He and Mal sat in the boat, opposite each other. Tayten had stayed behind to care for a very messed-up Tristan. He threw his line in, and started winding in the line as fast as he could. "And...and...AND...NOOOOO!" He grumbled as he looked at the lack of fish on his line. Mal sighed.

"You have to be patient. That's why we came. For patience." She closed her eyes. Mizel threw his line back out, and waited for about twenty seconds, and then pulled it in.

"I got one...yaw! He stole my worm!" He just about killed a worm as he ripped it out of the bucket, and skewered it on the hook. He sighed, but then looked mischievously at Mal. Her eyes were still closed...

He shoved her as hard as he could, and she fell straight into the murky water. He powered up the motor, and steered it away, snickering. "DANGIT, CHI! WHEN I GET YOU, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE A VERY HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL DEATH!" Mal screeched, and she paddled fiercely toward the quickly-getting-away boat. Mizel just laughed his head off. Not literally.

"See you around, Adelle!" He waved her a good-bye. He kept laughing until the boat rammed into a tree. Then he lurched out of the boat, and into the black water. Then Mal started giggling and smirking.

"Man, Chi, you really are a stooge."

"Ah, shut up." All of a sudden, Mizel's line started pulling. "NOOO! FISHIE!" He grabbed it, and started pulling it in. "And...and...AND...YES! I GOT IT!" He somehow leaped out of the water, and splashed back down again. He held up the six foot walleye, and stuck his tongue out at Mal. "Na na na na na na! Who's got the fishie now? Ho ho ho!" He snickered again, until the fish started flapping around. "NO!" He held on to the fish, even as it dragged him to the bottom of the lake. Mal shook her head.

"Stooge."

;) Yes, that is totally how you spell imbisul.

_Guys, I really am bummed out right now. 'Cause my newly caught fish, Louie, Jeb, and Winslow died. It made me really sad. , , Yeah. BUT! I have five more fishies...that remain unnamed...at the moment... Adelle means Noble and Kind. Honestly. Great name for Mal, eh? Chi means Younger Energy and I keep having dreams about PotC 3...how it will be...and none of it makes sense...at all..._


	18. In Memory of Wally the Perch

Guys, this is serious. It is not a Happy Ditty, nor is it retarded, amusing, or stupid in any way. This is real life, and it is true, an account, a memory, and a few other things made to form a gravestone. It is saddening. If you are afraid of, or dislike to read, death, do not continue. This is a death story. Okay. Here we go.

In Memory of Wally the Perch

(2006-2006(or so is believed))

Wally the Perch, who was caught at a small lake not four weeks ago, was a small, and very shiny, Perch.

He was taken home by a Bitten by a cow (who will not reveal her true name, you STALKERS!), and kept in a tank in her living room. It was a perhaps unintelligent idea, but she had never kept fish before, and wanted to try.

Wally stayed in her tank for about three weeks, and fed on worms every night. His diet was tight during the first week or so, and he barely ate half a worm every night. But then, his meals grew, until he finally got up to two or three full worms a day. Then, Thursday, the 14th, he began picking off the floor of the tank, and floating to the top (though still right-side up) and he didn't eat anything, even when it bumped into his nose.

The next night, he was found dead in the corner of the tank. It is believed that he picked up some scum or dead worm or bacteria on the bottom of the tank, and was diseased, and died quickly. He was found upside-down, his gills were white, and he was not moving. He was given the porcelain express.

* * *

_Through thick and thin,_

_The world ahead_

_Is always dark_

_But don't give in_

_Little fish,_

_Oh, don't you cry_

_Your master's coming_

_To see you swim_

_But all she will see_

_Is her dead little fish_

_Oh, please don't die!_

_You came, and you went,_

_You swayed, and you bent,_

_As she turns her head_

_She lets out a sigh_

_For her poor little fish_

_Has left this earth_

_And has taken a swim_

_Down the toilet's rim._

_Oh, little fish,_

_It makes me cry_

_To think of what you_

_Could have been,_

_Of what you_

_Could have become._

_You might have found your kin,_

_And found your own special mate,_

_But now all hope is gone_

_For you are doomed_

_To your fate._

_You could have laid eggs,_

_You could have been free,_

_But, oh, you came to me,_

_I blame myself_

_For had I let you go,_

_You could have been a_

_Grandfather, great-great-great at that,_

_You could have seen_

_What the world was like_

_Through small, black eyes_

_But now, because of her,_

_That little fish_

_Now dries in the great, wide open_

_Never to be remembered_

_Through the passing of time,_

_Except by her..._

_And the one token she possesses,_

_A picture, clear and bright,_

_And she keeps it dearly,_

_Her one possession that is of him,_

_But slowly, it too grows dim._

_But, little fish,_

_You need not worry about _

_What is to come_

_For there is One_

_Who guides over all._

_Through thick and thin,_

_The world ahead is always dark,_

_But don't give in,_

_Little fish,_

_Don't ever give in._

_For when the trumpets sound,_

_And the clouds part,_

_And the sun no longer shines,_

_The little fish will come_

_To be at his master's side.

* * *

_

A gravestone, small and white, stood shining by the others, and it read loud and clear:

"In Memory of Wally the Perch,

September 15th, 2006"

Twelve lilies adorned the small stone, and a necklace with the Christian fish emblem encircled it.

Wally, we love you, and miss you. I won't ever forget you. Good-bye, Wally. See you again someday!

-September 18th, 2006


	19. Its 5 HOLY CRAP STOP MAKING THESE!

Alright, you guys, since I've been doing a lot of the Its lately, I decided to show you guys two more of my original characters. There is a girl and a guy, and they are brother and sister. His name is Nait. Her name is Keilah, but she's not an It. Neither is he. They're people. Well, I'll let you see them for yourself!

Oh, by the way, they mention another character, but he's not actually in the chapter.

The Its 5:

Training Into a Wall

"Okay, are you ready, Chi? You gotta be really ready!" Mal was coaching Mizel, as he huffed and warmed up. They were doing training today. "Come on! Get your heart into it! You gotta be able to keep up with her! Can your adrenaline let you chase a girl who never gets tired? Come on! You can do it! Your energy is five billion times hers! You could beat her in a fifty-mile race! Okay, maybe not...but still!" She handed him a pair of weights.

"What are these for?" he asked bluntly.

"Those are to keep your arms in shape." She looked at him with superiority.

"Duh, but why would I need to lift weights when we're _running_?" He looked at her like she was stupid.

"Are you guys ready yet?" Keilah stepped into the small exercise room. Sweat pasted her gym tank-top and shorts to her very in-shape body.

"Just about, Keilah." Mal grinned. She and Keilah got along well, surprisingly.

"Hey, Chy, are you ready to go and start beating people and come out of the Asylum?" Keilah asked, mispronouncing his name.

"The name is Chi." He glared at her. She and he disliked each other. With a vengeance. "Yeah, I'm ready. But are YOU ready?" He jerked his head right next to her face. She simply gave him the "You need to go back to the Asylum" look. "Good." He dashed outside to the mini track.

"Hey, Chi, is my sister coming out anytime soon?" Nait called from the end of the track, as he groped around for a stopwatch in the tool bag.

"Yeah, man. She's coming," Keilah answered, and he grinned.

"Okay. Well, Rairo and I set it all up." He stood up, stopwatch in hand. "Okay, are you two ready?" Mizel nodded.

"Heck yes." Keilah grinned, and crouched at the starting line.

"Good. On your marks...get set...GO!" He clicked on the stopwatch, and leaped over the track, and onto the folding chair that Mal had set up for him. He turned to look at her. "So, who do you think is going to win?"

"Well, I think Mizel definitely has more energy, but your sister still has her brains." Nait chuckled. Mizel zipped across the track, and came close behind Keilah.

"Get your heart into it...get your heart into it...get your heart into it..." Mizel kept repeating to himself. Keilah ran, never resting, for her energy level was unnumbered. They soared across the finish line, and Nait pressed the stop button on the stopwatch, but they didn't stop. They kept running, not noticing the lack of actual road under their feet, nor the many bushes and thorns that scratched at them. Then, all of a sudden, as if from nowhere, a wall sat abruptly in their path. Keilah saw it, and leaped to the top, while Mizel was not so lucky.

He smashed into the wall with a great

**CRASH!**

and Keilah could not control herself any longer.

"HAHAHAHA! HOLY CRAP! That was totally AWESOME!" Nait and Mal ran up to them.

"AH! CHI!" Mal rushed to his side. Even though she hated him at times, they were kin, and it was their duty to defend each other. She sat him up, and saw the lack of teeth, the lack of clothes, and the lack of skin. "Man, what did you do?" She cringed at the sight of his blood vessels. "Hey, look. That one looks like a fish!" She touched the spot, and he suddenly came to life.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" He slapped her hand, and nursed the tender area on his shoulder that she had touched. Nait looked away.

"Thank goodness you're an It," Keilah commented. Mizel's whole front was cloth-less, skinless, and very tender. He was also very slimy. Like a fish. But not like a snake. 'Cause snakes aren't slimy. "So...want to race again?"

_Chi is pronounced CHEE not CHYE. That's how Keilah pronounced it, just to be mean. 'Cause she don't like him. Oh, and Keilah is pronounced KI-lah. Okay? Okay. And Nait can be pronounced either Night or NI-ate. It depends on if you are Portugese or not. _


	20. Burnt Passion

**Hello! This is nay my dearest friend Bitten; it is I! The Hamlet of Venice! Yes, it is I, thine own heart spilt upon the terrace! Alas! Fair Bitten has been enthroned upon the hearts of wild beasts, and so, therefore in mine own good graces, have agreed to help mine dear friend.**

_**LIES! YOU SPEAK LIES!**_

**(cough) Shut up, insolent fool! Now, on to my glorious of fames, and the heart of mine own dearest wishes. This fine work I call Burnt Passion. I bid thee farewell. **

"Yes I know you had to go the Middle East to buy pasta but why how why can't you go after the dance? Please!"

Ok next seen

At the psychiatrist office

"What's your problem?"

"Well um... yesterday um…well my cow um…well, he bit me!"

"That's a problem if I've ever heard one!"

"Um…yea I know."

"How do you feel about your cow now that he's bit you?"

"Um…well I think he's mean!"

"Do you want to hurt your cow?"

"Um…yea I think I'm going to roast him when I get home."

"Ok now what does this ink blot remind you of?"

"Um…it reminds me of well...I think it is a piece of beef!"

"Ok next picture."

"Oh those are brussle sprouts I licks brussle sprouts!"

New scene

At the dentist office waiting room

"Hi I'm here to see Dr. Young!"

"Oh are you Jeany Jackson?"

"Yes I am!"

"Ok he'll be with you in a couple of minutes."

"Thank you."

Jeany Jackson sits down in the very small waiting room

Another person comes in and walks up to the secretary

"Hi I'm here to see Dr. Young and nurse Jane."

_**What the heck?**_

"Oh are you Jon Bebblehimer?"

_**Sure why not**_

"Yes."

"Ok the doctor will be with you in a couple of minutes."

_**Oh, my dear friend, have you finally lost your sanity as well?**_

**I think I have gone insane**

_**Uhuh**_

**So I who is insane is talking to another insane person so we're technically sane each other for the moment**

_**Um...good logic**_

_**You win a million dollars**_

**Yea!**

_**Please end this though**_

Then Jon Beeblhimer went and sat down next to Jeany Jackson

Then a third patient came in and the patient was a camel named BOB Longerhump.

BOB Longerhump went to the secretary and said "I'm here to see Dr. Desert."

**_Noooo! change his name!_**

**_Hold on! Change his name! _**

**Why?**

_**I already have a Bob!**_

"Fine Ben. No wait Billy."

"Ok Billy Longerhump."

The secretary said umm… "Sir er…uhhh thin no wait animal?"

"It's Billy Longerhump."

"Oh Mr. Longerhump we do not have a Dr. Desert with us!"

"Umm you must be mistaken because I know that Dr. Desert called me and said I have an appointment at 440 state street NW 35427 and this is where I am?"

"Well do you mean Dr. Debert?"

**_LIZZY! STOP! END! DONE! FINISH! CAPUT! CASPLAT!_**

"Ohh yes I'm sorry that's it! Oh ok well we do have you down for him just one minute have a seat over there next to Jeany Jackson and Jon Beebblhimer."

**Sorry **

**When you have an idea though you just can't stop**

"Ok thank yous?"

"Ms. Kinmer."

"Oh thank you Ms. Kinmer."

_**AND THEY DIED!**_

**Not yet**

_**THEY GOT SMASHED WITH MY HAMMER!**_

_And the end. Right, 'cause the Bitten by a cow thing is totally yours. Sorry for forgetting to give the credit that YOU SPEAK LIES!_

_Right…sorry about that, guys, she's really nice most of the time and…oh crap…NO! LIZZY! NOT THE TAZERS! AHHHH!_


	21. Lord of the Crap

Okay, you guys! Here are some more Happy Little Ditties! Okay, it's just one...but, oh well. It's relatively long, so BE HAPPY! Okay. Happy Little Ditty number eighteen.

Lord of the Rings:

Dáin Dumbity

A dude in a black robe and on a black horse rode through the gate. He pulled up to a short, stubby little fellow with a white beard in the shape of a shovel. Er, he was holding a shovel under his beard so it APPEARED to be a shovel-beard. Right. We should go with that explanation.

"Who are you?" asked the little man. The cloaked rider only grunted.

"My master, Sauron the Great, requests your friendity. (cough) friendship." He paused for a moment, but then continued. "As a small token only of your friendship Sauron asks this," he said: "that you should find this thief, and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of rings, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Sauron fancies-"

"Yeah, right!" snorted the little dwarf. "Pshaw! That is the _last _thing you ever say to someone if you are trying to convince them that the thing you want is a piece of crap, even though it can-" he was interrupted by another short, little man, but he had a reddish-brown beard.

"RULE THE WORLD!" the brownish-red beard said.

"Everyone knows that if you say that, you're making up a pile of dog crap! Sheesh! We're not stupid! We Dwarves don't make fun of you, you BLACK RIDERS!" the whitey taunted. And the name stuck, for a very long time.

Lord of the Rings:

The Dead City is Really Just...Sick

Frodo and Sam and Gollum passed by a big, green, gate that led to the big, green city. "The-" Gollum's explaining was cut off by a very excited Frodo.

"EMERALD CITY! I've always wanted to see it! Woohoo! Can we go in, and get the green glasses, and see all the green orcs?" he asked, obviously very on something. He started walking towards it. Gollum and Sam tried to stop him. "They're calling me...they want green eggs and ham..."

"That's the wrong story, Mr. Frodo. We're in LotR, not Dr. Suess, and not the Wizard of Oz. If you want to keep this part and save the world, you're gonna have to pay attention and stay on track. No more mambie-pambie-Bambies, and no visiting the Chocolate Factory. Got it?" Sam sounded very threatening. Frodo nodded. The walked back down the road, and away. Frodo turned back one last time, and looked at the grotesque statues that had their tongues sticking out.

"I feel bad for them...Kiley must have come around..."

_How does everyone know Kiley? Will the trio make it to Mount Doom? Will the crazy authoress regain her sanity, or live on as a mentally-messed-up lunatic? WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Who knows. But we do know this: The story isn't over yet. Hip-hip hooray._

Lord of the Blings:

Scary, Scary, Scary

"Bilbo left you this bling." Gandalf handed Frodo an envelope. It was horribly heavy. He opened the package, and saw a very large, golden bling. He took it out, and Gandalf rudely took it away, and chucked it in the fire.

"What are you doing?" Frodo cried, but he wasn't brave enough to reach through the fire and get the bling. Gandalf took the bling out with a chop-stick.

"Hold out your hand, Frodo. Don't worry, it's quite cool." It _SMASHED!_ into Frodo's hand and he lurched forward. Gandalf lifted him up again, and turned around. "Does it say anything?"

"Um...it says: 'Caution: Contents may be evil.'"

"Other side."

"Uh, it says: 'Directions: Throw into Mount Doom. Do not put on. Keep away from small children and Men. And Jack Sparrow.' Jack Sparrow? Who the heck is that?"

"Oh, he is...I don't know." The old wizard put his hand on his forehead. "I think we have the wrong bling..." All of a sudden, Gollum popped out of nowhere.

"My...PRECIOUS! Wait, can we redo? That's not my precious...that thing's Ug-Uh-LY!" he screeched.

"It is NOT! It's purdy..." Frodo started stroking the gigantic piece of plastic (cough) gold.

"Oh, you shut up, Bingo!" Gollum teased.

"I am not Bingo!"

"But you were going to be!"

"But I am not!"

"But you were!"

"No I wasn't!" Frodo-or Bingo-argued.

"Yes you were! Even ask the precious! Or Trotter! Or Storm-crow!" Gollum cried.

"Who?"

"Trotter! You know, big, tall, black hair, gray eyes, stubble, goes by the name Aragorn?"

"Trotter! Teehee! What a funny name! Heehee! But who's Storm-crow?"

"Grayhame!"

"OH! Gandalf? Your real name is Storm-crow?" Gandalf turned red.

"I was only called that once, and only by a stuck-up, under-a-spell-king!" Gandalf defended.

"Yeah, sure. I believe you," Frodo smirked.

"Well, I sure would like to say that Bingo is a much worse name than-" **BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! **We're sorry for the inconvenience, but there have been some technical difficulties in the actors' stroke possibilities. Please enjoy the music while we fix our delays. Thank you! ♪_...and through the night...our hearts live on...even though we may part, our hearts are as one...true love will live on...our hearts beat as one- _♪

"Alright, stop the music!" The camels marched through the door. Keanu had his hands on his hips. "Who the heck came up with this crap? It sounds like something from Desperate Housewives, or some crap like that! I could sue for such awful music!" Ryu patted him on the shoulder.

"Now, now, Niles, no need to get angry," she said.

"ANGRY! I'M NOT ANGRY! WHO IS ANGRY? NOBODY'S ANGRY!"

"Okay, man, let's just play some good music," Behrooz suggested, and pulled out his portable piano. Keanu did the same thing. Except it was an electric guitar. Ryu grabbed her drum set. Boxy suddenly hopped onstage with his trumpet. ♪_...doo! DooDOOO! We are who we were! And we hate CRAP! Bring it on! Dundundun! Dundundun! Woohoo! We are who we were! COME ON! Bumbum! Bumbum! Like a HEART! Pounding! Screeching! Pumping! BLEEDING! And we hate...and we hate...and we hate CRAP! Uhuh! Yeah, man! Let's sing it out, one, two, three, and we hate CRAP! _♪

"So, man, when are we getting the goods?" Two short people stood in an alleyway.

"In three..." They got in position. "Two..." They both took a deep breath. "One..." They focused on a small tent just ahead. "GO!" They dashed to the edge of the tent, and sorted through the fireworks. The smaller person grabbed a firework, but the other rejected it. "No, no, the big one! The big one!" he instructed, and the other grabbed the big one.

"All right! It's a...camel?"

"Yes! Get it!" They set it up, and lit it. It blew up in a sparkle of tan, and then shot up again, as a pale circle, and exploded in a glorious fashion of camelous glory.

The IMAX faded out, and zapped in a few random places around the screen. Crevan sat up. Boxy sat beside her, ticket in hand.

"Hm...I guess I must have fallen asleep..."

_Yeah. Strange, I know. Anyway, I must be going, going, GONE! Sold to the man in the blue hat! With the long curly hair! And his name just happens to be Peter Jackson! Yay! (applause)_

_You know what's very messed up? Elijah Wood and Lindsay Lohan are in this new movie, and they're SOUL MATES! Is that disgusting or what? (For those of you who don't know, Elijah Wood plays Frodo and Lindsay Lohan plays grotesquely girly girls) Yeah. Wait...Kiley got rid of Lindsay! HOW DID SHE COME BACK? Okay, I'm done now._


	22. Please?

Okay, yes! A new happy ditty! And it's'a number nineteen! Here goes!

Prince Charming:

Please Tell Me That's Rain

"Oh, my dearest frog! I wilst not steppeth on thee!" the princess cried, as she stepped over the bright green frog.

"Ribbit! I ain't no frog!" he croaked. "I'm'a the ol' Prince Charming." The Princess gasped as she heard these "romantic" words.

"Then I shall kisseth thee to relieveth thee of such a terrible curse," she said. She leaned down, and…

_Ugh, that stupid fly I just had sure tastes nasty…_thought the small frog. "BLECHH!" he cried, and his stomach shot itself out of his throat and onto the young girl covered in pink.

"Ugh! I have never been more disgraced!" cried the girl, and she arrogantly strutted away.

About a month later, she died of poison from the poisonous frog.

What is the moral of this story? There are two, actually. One, watch out for nasty, pink-wearing girls and NEVER kiss them, and two, beware of bright green frogs. It would probably be best if you just left them to the frog-dart hunters.

_I know this is a terribly short ditty, but I'm gonna make a new REALLY long one to make up for it. Ok, bye then!_


	23. Shakespearean Ballad

Okay, everyone! Here goes! And it's LONG! Like, possibly 1 words! WOW! You have to cheer now. Thanks, guys, make me feel WELCOME!!!

Happy Ditty Number 20:

Shakespearean Ballad

-two plays by the Its and Kaden and Kiley, and Keanu!!!

"ACTION!" Kaden shouted through her megaphone.

"What soft, through yonder window breaks? It is the East! And Juliet is the Sun!" Tristan called in his deep, manly (cough) voice.

"Oh Romeo, where art thou? Beseech thy father and refuse thy name, and come to me, oh Romeo!" Mal sang, putting her hand dramatically to her heart. Mizel snorted. Mal turned and fumed at him. "Why, you little!!!!" She snarled and lunged at him.

"BREAK IT UP!!!!" Kiley screeched. Everything was still. No one knew that Kiley could scream so loud, so shrill, so…annoying. Mal stood up and dropped Mizel from her angered grasp, and dusted herself off.

"Ooof!" Mizel cried as he fell down off the stage.

"Why were you even ON the stage in the first place?" Mal asked, and Kaden shook her head.

"Let's try again! ACTION!"

…a few hours later…

"Romeo, Romeo, let down your hair!" Kaden put her head in her hands.

"AGAIN!"

"I loveth thee with a whiteth flame, mine dearest Juliet! Cometh to me, and we shall be wed! Let this torment be no longer!"

"Better…"

"Tarry not! For the end draws nigh, on me screwing up my words and yelling at the sky!" Mal muttered, and Tristan laughed, and made the obviously-needed sound affects.

"Dun dun dun!" he shook his arms to "improve" the effect.

…a few hours LATER…

"Okay, guys! This is good! Now, after you two kiss-" Mizel started cracking up. "-Behrooz will finish his Minuet, ;) and then you will bow. Okay? Good!"

"I loveth thee, mine Romeo! Let us be married from this day forth!" Mal and Tristan smooched. Then they turned and bowed. Kaden and Kiley clapped and bowed. Mizel just cracked up, while Behrooz finished his Minuet.

"Good job! Now, we go on to the next play!" Kaden called from her megaphone, but Kiley stole it.

"And I'M the director now!" Kaden whimpered. "Remember? You have a part in this play!" Kaden suddenly remembered, and ran backstage to get her costume. "Mizel! Get in position! ACTION!"

…and another few hours…

"Do we HAVE to do this!?" Kaden fussed, as she stood, inches from Mizel. They both were…hesitant to touch lips just for some dumb play…

"Yes!" Kiley ordered, "And if you don't, I'll get the camels and some leftover pulleys and make a trap so that YOU WILL BE FORCED TO! BUAHAHAHA!" All the camels turned and snorted at her.

"Okay…I suppose, IF I get chocolate cake!" Kaden decided.

"Chocolate cake!" all the Its cheered.

"Okay, but ACTION!" Kiley picked up the phone and ordered a chocolate cake from Perkin's™.

(smooch!) Mal cackled.

…yes, more hours.

"Why haven't Crevan and Boxy showed up yet? They're taking forever!" Kiley shouted, pacing back and forth.

"Why would they come?" Tayten asked, with her big, curious eyes.

"Because they were bringing the chocolate cake," Kaden explained.

"Why didn't they come for the play? That way Boxy could take my place and I wouldn't have to kiss HER!" Mizel fussed.

"Crevan had to work, and Boxy was meeting Switchfoot."  
"What's Switchfoot? Is it like a dishwasher company or something?" Mal asked.

"What's a dishwasher?" Tayten chimed in.

"What's a bath?" They all turned to Mizel, who was reading over the script.

"Oh, gosh, Mizel. PLEASE tell me you know what a bath is!" Mal smacked her head on a random prop.

"I think we're gonna need a hygiene makeover before the play starts…"

…and some more hours. But this is the LAST time, I tell ya!

An audience watched as the cast took their places on stage. "Please be seated, everyone!" Kiley commanded from a microphone. The audience obeyed. "I'm Kiley, and Kaden and-"

"Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT! What the heck are YOU doing here!? You're supposed to be on a cruise in the Caribbean!" Bitten shouted from offstage.

"Um, we got back early. Sheesh. Some people…" Kaden shook her head, but then allowed Kaden to continue.

"-as I was saying, Kaden and I and the rest of the gang here have been working real hard for this play! So, ENJOY IT!" She and Kaden (who was standing next to her) bowed, and stepped offstage.

Crevan turned to her pamphlet, and it read, "Shakespearean Classics! Romeo and Juliet, and Much Ado about Nothing!"

The spotlight turned to Mal, who was up some stairs (cough) in a tower. "Oh, dear life! Why should such be to me, that I might be deprived of childrens! I have no husband, yet I am of age! Why, why, WHY would life be so cruel to such as me?" The spotlight now turned to Tristan, who strolled comfortably across the stage, half-whistling, half-singing.

"A brush against the freckles that I hated so-" Mal coughed. Tristan suddenly remembered his lines. "Where ist mine life? I have no girlfriend to vent my anger of beatings upon!"

"Good goddesses, who are you?" Mal asked, trying to sound…feminine. It wasn't very successful.

"Were you just trying to dance?"

"Yes…"

"It was awful," said Keanu, as he passed by, with his monkey-suit on. He strutted by. "ROMEO! Thou art a VILLAIN! I challenge thee to a duel!" Keanu (cough) Tybalt pulled out a white glove from…who knows where, and slapped Tristan (cough) Romeo with it! Boxy gasped.

"Exactly my thoughts, Boxy!" Crevan whispered, who was a part of the audience. "We could use Jar Jar Binks? Oh! Right! 'How wude!'" Mal rolled her eyes, which was barely noticeable under her gobs of makeup. ;))

"I will beateth thee to a pulp!" Keanu pulled out his sword (again, from who knows where) and held it in front of himself. It was immensely scary to see a camel with a tux challenge someone to a duel and hold his sword in his mouth. Mal had to bite her lip to keep from cracking up.

"My hero…" some random girl from the audience with a sticker over her heart that said, "I heart Keanu" whispered, and passed out. Keanu rolled his eyes.

"FOR TROGDOR! For MIDDLE EARTH!" Tristan cried, and lunged his sword which he had miraculously pulled out within a fourth of a second at Keanu, and gutted his enemy. A bunch of girls gasped.

"HE KILLED KEANU!!!!" The girls swooned at the name, but then returned to their anger. About twenty hundred girls flocked to the stage, and grabbed Tristan. They attempted to kick him in a place that guys should not be kicked, except he wasn't a guy. So…it was unsuccessful. And they started smoldering.

"Please remove yourself from the stage," commanded Mal, because she had stolen the megaphone just in case something of this ordinance happened. They decided to follow her command, since they were still in shock about Tristan's lack of guyness. Tristan turned around, and whistled. And Tayten came running.

"What is it, Wei?" she asked, and he coughed.

"Lines-" cough "-remember-" cough "-sir-" cough.

"Oh, yeah!" she squealed, and he slapped his hand over her mouth.

"What do ya want, sir Wei?"

"ROMEO!" Mal half whispered, half screeched (how is that possible?). But she did.

"Taketh his stenchy body away!" Tristan waved his hand at Keanu.

"Poor Keanie!" some little girl in the audience cried. Mal turned to Mizel, who was behind a curtain beside her.

"Keanu must be a REALLY good actor!" she whispered. He didn't answer, because his mouth was duct-taped. Obviously, they didn't trust him to "try to not laugh at Mal and Tristan making out". She smirked, and reached back to scratch her neck. Then she realized something. "HOLY CRAP! I forgot my wig!" she flinched, trying as hard as she could to whisper. Then she grinned at Mizel. He sighed, or, his shoulders slooped and it was easy to tell that if his mouth had not been duct-taped it would have sighed, but then he went to go get her wig. Mal and Tristan returned to their romantic lurvely story.

"My dearest, what beeth thine name?" Tristan asked, returning his sword to its sheath.

"I am Juliet, daughter of a Capulet," she answered.

"That don't sound at all Shakespearean," Ryu said, passing by with a cart of groceries.

"Live with it." They paused, most likely for dramatic affect, or maybe because they forgot their lines.

"Juliet...that name sounds of essence! My name is Romeo, a Montague! I shall see you 'fore the 'morrow, and we shall wipe away all sorrow!" Tristan said romantically, and he bowed, and then he galloped away on his unseen horse.

;) If you'd like to hear Behrooz's Minuet, simply type this URL into your browser:

http://web. mit. edu/mokang/Public/mp3/freckles. mpga

(Note: it's spaced at every dot so ff won't take it out)

;)) Imagine MAL with gobs of makeup. Just the THOUGHT makes me laugh. Buahahaha!

_Just so you know, this has positively NOTHING to do with Shakespeare's plays. They may have a few quotes here and there, but mostly, they're just random crappies I made up. (marks on wish list_ "Crappie"_) I want a crappie now. _

_Wow. This WAS a long one. It's longer than one of my _Yo ho _chapters!!! Holy cow!!!_


	24. Holiday Special!

Okay! I love new Happy Ditties! I love making them! Well, here's the holiday special! With the Its! And Kaden and Kiley! And the camels! Whoot!

Holiday Special:

The Bad Cookies and the Bad Reindeer

"Okay...lift the presents into the cart..." Mizel pushed the huge sack up a ladder.

"It's a sleigh, stupid," Mal argued, shaking her head, watching him from the rooftop, as he attempted to lift the 100 pound bag into the big red "cart". Kiley stood a few feet away, squeezing a red ball on Keanu's nose.

"And...there! Okay, Keanu, you can be-" she began, but was interrupted by Kaden.

"Keanolph!"

"Yay!" Kiley cheered, clapping her hands. "Okay, I've gotta go and finish my Christmas duties!" ;) she cried, and jumped off the roof, flapping her arms, and ran to her home.

"Ho ho ho!" came a call, and the fat man himself appeared, and somehow was able to squash himself into the sleigh. Mal, Mizel, Kaden, and Tristan all jumped in, and the camels started off. Somehow (with their magical fairy dust) they flew into the sky and made it somehow (probably an airplane's engines) safely onto the next housetop. Mizel jumped out, with his little red elf suit on, and waited impatiently for Mal and Tristan to dig the toys and crockpots out of the bag. Santa jumped out, with his own wrapped packages, and dove down a chimney.

"Okay...here we go with all the crap for this house..." Mal grunted as she handed him a mound of crap. He took it, and shoved it down a fireplace hole. He wiped his hands in satisfaction.

"Okay, that family can sort through all the junk themselves..." he decided, as the fat man came back through the chimney, since he actually knew how to do the job.

Meanwhile...

Tayten was busy making toys back at the North Pole. She had an elf hat on, with a dingling pom-pom bouncing around, playing one single note on the little bell attached to it. She was bouncing around as well, making sure all the hideous little troll-beasts were properly combed, and the magnificent stuffed camel toys were elegantly created, without a dent in their patching nor a bead missing.

"YOU MESSED UP!" she shrieked, as someone accidentally forgot half a millimeter of stitching. "YOU'RE FIRED!" She grabbed the poor, underpaid elf-rabbit's name-tag, and replaced it with a paycheck. She waved her hand, and said "Ta ta!", and she skipped away to fire another elf-rabbit.

Meanwhile again...

Kiley was whistling a merry tune to her radio. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..." She danced a little to the beat, while she pulled out her cookies from the oven, her chef hat wavering only a little. The cookies actually almost looked edible, all with little Christmas trees decorating them. She set a few cookies on a plate, and set the plate on the mantelpiece, next to a glass of milk. Then she grabbed her bag, and set out to go get Christmas presents and belated wedding presents for Keanu and Ryu.

As she passed by the post office, she noticed _The Camel State Journal_. **Ryu announced pregnant!** Those three words struck her silly. "HAHAHA! Ryu! Pregnant! HEHEHEHE! Imagine! Keanu attempting to be a father! Hehehe!" She fell over in the middle of the sidewalk, and she was cackling so hard that the motorcycle-riders stayed as far as possible as they could from her.

She eventually got up and made it inside ShopKo.

Meanwhile...

Santa and the gang had made it to Kaden and Kiley's house. Santa jumped down the chimney, and grabbed the cookies and milk and devoured the hastily. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that Kiley was not the #1 chef in the world. And then he realized that her milk was not in a glass, but in the gallon carton. He looked at the date. _SEPT19_. No wonder it had the consistency of cheese. He swallowed it anyway, and leaped back up the chimney, where a practical riot was beginning.

"I can't stand this no more! It's getting on my nerves!" Keanu-dolph pulled off the reins. "I CAN'T DO IT! THE PRESSURE'S TOO MUCH!" Ryu patted him on the back, while Behrooz and Boxy handed him tissues. Boxy was in Behrooz's saddlebag, and he had decided before they left that they would need tissues. Don't ask why, but he did.

Back to Tayten...

She finally stopped reprimanding, and decided to go wrap the camels in packages. As she began, she folded to the right, and then to the left, and then up, then down. Then, she tied it with a bow. She did this for several hours. Suddenly, the bell to the door jingled, and she looked up.

"Hey, Tay!" Tristan called, presents and things full in his arms. His smile faded as he saw the hundreds of camel packages. He could tell they were camel packages because of the way she had "wrapped" them in tuxes and dresses of wrapping paper. It was incredibly amazing how she had done it. It almost looked like origami. Then he suddenly-

"HI EVERYONE WATCHING THIS!" Tayten called. "GRAB A CAMEL FOR CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS!" -sidenote: get camels easily at any store-EXCEPT WalMart, as they are a bloodsucking company! Save the poor childrens in China by NOT going to WalMart! Okay! Bye! Merry Christmas!

...oh, yeah.

Then he suddenly cheered. For no reason.

Hehe! That was so mean!

Kiley got back from her shopping trip to see-"Kiley! Hi! You're back! And...PRESENTS!" she exclaimed, and she grabbed at the gifts and things.

A few hours later...

"What is THIS?" Kiley asked, looking at a piece of paper stranded amongst the torn wrapping paper.

"It's a note," Kaden said, sipping some hot chocolate. Kiley read it. **"Your cookies are awful. Please never attempt cooking again. And next time check the date of your milk. AND make sure that you clean your fireplace by next year. AND be sure to get a tree that doesn't have artificial branches that fall off easily when one is attempting to put presents beneath it. And get an air freshener. -Santa"** Kiley laughed, and threw the note into the now-burning-fire-that-wasn't-burning-before-but-it-is-now.

"Dream on, fat boy."

HOLIDAY SPECIAL! We're actually going to tell you how to make Kiley's cookies as a special treat for the holiday season! Okay! Here goes!

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup molasses

2 eggs

1 cup brown sugar

12 cookie decorations (you know, the little paper-like decorations thingys)

1 teaspoon mint extract

3 tablespoons of butter

4 cups of flour

1/4 cup walnuts

1/4 cup husked sunflower seeds

Start: Mix the two sugars and butter in a bowl, and add the eggs, mint extract, walnuts, sunflower seeds, and flour after a few minutes. Mix for 2-3 minutes. Scoop out the cookie dough with an ice cream scoop onto a greased cookie sheet. Throw the cookie sheet away and-oh, you forgot the most important part of the cookies!

A package of store-bought cookies

Save your family and friends from Kiley's awful recipe, and just eat the store-bought cookies! Merry Christmas!

;) Christmas duties. Hehe. That sounds way to strict and boring for Kiley.

_Merry Christmas! Have a good one! AND MAKE SURE..._

_...to not actually make those cookies. Your mother (or whoever runs your electricity) will beat you to a pulp. _

_...to keep Christ in Christmas. _


	25. Orlando Barf'd

This is my horror story of the decade. Think of it as my "Psycho". (Did I just say that?) Let us begin.

Orlando Bloom:

Sickening

Well, I was walking down some rather street in somewhere, and and and! ORLANDO BLOOM WAS THERE! Ew. For those of you who don't know me, I HATE Orlando Bloom. He is the most obnoxious and annoying actor I've ever seen (he said PotC 2 was better than PotC 1, so therefore his taste sucks too), and he makes me throw up when he comes onscreen. Well, anyway, he decided the kill the sidewalk that I had been walking on FIRST.

Then worst of worsts, he saw me...

"Look at that hot girl!" he said dorkily. (word) Was he even talking about me?! DID HE CALL ME HOT?!?!?! AHHHHHHH! He decided to run up to me, as thirty hundred Sueish girls followed him, drooling. Yuuck. He makes me sick. As he ran up to me, he called, "What is your name, sexy?" Holy crap. You know what they say about dumb blondes? Well, take that and multiply it times rotting bean sprouts times 4,000,589,098,234,736,093.5. And you get: Incredibly idiotic. I say incredibly because it's the opposite of no brain, which is exactly what Mr. Boom had. (yes Boom)

My reply: "Get the heck away from me, pond scum." I was in a VERY cheery mood that day, you see. And, with the person who called me "Sexy" being Orlando Pond Scum, what else was I to say? "You're sexy, too"?! You are all sick if you say that. SICK. And by sick I mean mentally DISTURBED. Were you dropped on your head as a child? From a ridiculously high place? Several times? I thought so. ANYWAYS, on with story.

He was quiet for a moment (thank goodness), but then he decided to bore me again. "What is your name, hottie?" Apparently he doesn't comprehend "Get the heck away".

"I am your worst nightmare." I stared him down with such a glare that he SHOULD have been able to figure out (even with his no brain) that I HATED HIS BLOODY GUTS! AND I WISHED THAT THEY WERE VERY INTERNALLY BLOODY AND um DYING!

"You are the hottest girl I've ever seen." I guess he didn't get the hint. Then, he LUNGED towards me! AHH! In my reflexes, I simply took a step backward. He fell on his face. On the concrete. And I laughed. Very hard. Then, he got up again, and had his thirty hundredsome Sues grab hold of me (nastiness) and HE KISSED ME! It was the most atrocious experience I have EVER had. Fortunately, his mere breath disgusted my uvula (the little jiggly hangy-down thing in your throat that makes you gag) and it decided to make a call. To my stomach.

Stomach said, "Okay time for food go up." And all the little pieces of food packed their bags and headed upstream. Up the esophagus. And into my mouth. And into Boom's mouth. Hahaha.

So, to make the story short, I barfed into his mouth. And he never looked at me again. The end.

-Bitten

_Oh, did I forget to tell you that barf is poisonous? _

_Hehehehe._


	26. PotC 3 Review!

PotC 3 Review in Happy Little Ditties. Please don't sue me. And I'll try to keep the insanity part of me bottled up so that you just get the review.

I said I'll TRY.

Bitten reviews PotC 3!

Okay, I'll be honest. When I heard that "At World's End" was coming out, I thought it was going to be horrible. Really. But by April, I had changed my mind. I think that my decision was changed mostly because I watched a preview. In the preview, Barbossa cackled randomly. That stuck it for me.

Anyway, I shall review! Note: This review contains spoilers. If you haven't seen the movie, you probably should.

Well, to be honest, I went into that theater thinking, "Either this movie will spoil humankind, or it will revive the name of 'Pirates of the Caribbean'." Or something like that. Well, when I left that theater, I was astonished. Gore Verbinski, Jerry Bruckheimer and Geoffrey Rush pulled off the impossible: They managed to make a good movie, lift the name of PotC, finish the series alright, and kill Davy Jones, all in two hours and forty-five minutes. Yeah.

To start with, I'll show the crappy parts. Um, Elizabeth kissed three different guys (and she wanted to kiss another), there was excess gore, and a plothole or two, and there was a cheesy time when Jack, Elizabeth, and Barbossa walked (as a team, of course!) to their enemy peoples. She kissed Captain Yao Sung (maybe? Whatever Chow Yun-Fat played), James Norrington, Will, and she wanted to kiss Jack. (?) WHY?! SHE DISLIKED JACK BEFORE! COME ON! Okay, and the excess gore: A dude's toe fell off. Come on. A guy gets infected with tentacles. Dead bodies are eaten by birds. Why for? The movie was fine without them. Now for the plothole: WHY COULDN'T ELIZABETH BE WITH WILL?! I mean, Davy Jones was allowed to let people into his crew, so why couldn't Will let Elizabeth do the same?! Gosh. And Will Turner lived. That was probably the worst part of the entire movie.

Oh yeah. And Elizabeth wore a really bad hat.

Okay, now for the positives: Barbossa lived, there were several funny moments (MUCH like the first of the series) (unlike the second crap movie), everyone was mostly in character, the music was pretty original and good, and Cutler died! HOORAY! Hrm… what else? The ending was slightly saddening, something I thought PotC could NEVER pull off… hm, and Pintel and Ragetti were amazing once more! Tia Dalma disappeared (she was startin' to annoy me). OH HO HO! Jack and Barbossa finally drove Cutler nuts!! Whoot! I think that's incredibly funny. For some reason. And everyone was acting fairly well again, and… hm, several amazing lines. Let's see, like: "We shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!" And the amazing laugh at the end. Oh, and: "Mr. Gibbs… (and Gibbs says "Yes, Captain?")you may throw my hat. Now go get it." What else? Oh, yes, Barbossa's cackle! HAHA! Ragetti: "I just thought I'd throw in my name for consideration." Yes yes.

And Norry died! So depressing…but, I'm not sure if that's a bad thing, or a good thing. Hm. It just kinda changed the movie. Kinda like when when Davy Jones died. It was weird. But not maybe a good thing, but maybe not a bad thing. You know? Well, I have to say I was terribly surprised about Jones dying and Will taking his place. I thought Jack was gonna do that. I think that's a good thing. When a movie surprises you, it's usually a good thing. I think. Unless it surprises you, like, someone you HATE comes back. Like…Will Turner. That was a BAD surprise. But, I guess if he leaves for ten years, you'll be happy for ten years. So, I suppose it's all good.

Hm. Wouldn't you HATE that job? I mean, it's worse than being the Waste Management people! You have to carry dead people a long ways for ten years straight. No mid-life crisis, and no change of career, like in LIFE. Sucky.

Well, let's see: 5 bad and horrible things, and 11 magically good things. 5 11, so good bad. Magical formula!!! So, that's my review. It was short, and probably inaccurate. (cough) Well, MAYBE not…

Alright. See you later. Ta ta!!

Bitten's magic review end.

And if you likey, you can review my review! Wait, how does that work? Hmm… oh, duh. Press the Purple Button. (unless you have a black and white computer) (then you can press the Black Button)


	27. Fourth of July!

Allo. IT'S A THA FOURTH OF JULY! YEAH!!!

Okay, so, since it is the Fourth of July, I have decided to let Hamlet try a little ditty, and then...other people will throw crap in here and there in MY part of the story. Okay. Here goes.

**Myself and my dearly beloved were romantically kissing during the Grande Fireworkse Showe. It was so wonderful, watching the glow of the Fireworkse in each other's eyes, and the thunder that felt like our hearts pounding intensly, and the wonderful sparkle in the air. Suddenly, however, I smelt a stench. And the stench was like burning things. So I looked down, and behold, I saw that my long-sleeved pants were on fire. So, Boxy, in his heroicness, stamped out the fire, severely stinging himself. But that was okay. And the end.**

Okay, so, here's the key to everyone's writing (just so you don't think THEIR crap is MINE): Boxy; **Hamlet**; _Crevan_; **_Kaden & Kiley_**; _Behrooz_; **Keanu**; **_Aidan (and possibly the other Its)_**

This story begins with a **_fat princess in a flightsuit, and she_ finds that her plane has **_crashed on a deserted island _**but that it still is alive and that it **can still actually move. The **_plane suddenly starts moving, and the fat princess flies away to _Cuba. **_There, she sees that _the fireworks are starting and that the loudness is so grande and **wonderful that she sees the **_American flag, and the Cubans are all actually in America, but that Cuba really isn't Cuba, and that it just looked like Cuba. _

As the fireworks burst **_thunderifically, _**the **_fat princess_** sees a **hot man with a **bumper sticker that says **"Kiss me." So the _fat princess _kisses the hot man and discovers near death**** because the **bumper sticker **also says, "Otherwise, you will die."**** She then finds that the man was chewing gum. **So she spits it out. And discovers that it wasn't gum, it was **_ANTHRAX!_**

**_So _she dies.**

**_A_n****_d _a **_th_eend.

Happy Fourth of July! Even if this story horribly ruined yours, please still have a happy one! Err...yeah. BYE!

:) Smile! God loves you!


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